Isn’t it nice to have those people in our lives who simply are what they are?
Once upon a time I had a business meeting and the man, who I’ve been interacting with for almost two years, stated that people are most often one way at work and another way at home. Puzzled, I replied, “But I am the same everywhere.”
Knowing me this length of time he responded, “So you’re goofy all the time?”
Yes, I am.
I chose not to tell him about the great workplace cartwheel event of 2006 when I was an HR professional. Moving on…
Friends Who are Candid Count
A wise woman I knew during college said the same thing as my friend. We were neighbors in an apartment complex. She worked for a major corporation in an executive position, which was progressive for the late 1970s. Her house was a disaster. She had projects scattered everywhere, from plants, cooking things, to reading materials. Not dirty, just incredibly active with her many passions. One day I asked her about the disarray and, boldly, what her office looked like. She said, Oh there I am completely different.
She kept the best part of herself—her absolute involvement in the world around her—separate from her work life. What impact could she have made on others at work if she let people see every side of her? She was as straightforward a person as I’ve ever met and yet the mask she wore at work kept some of the best parts of her charming personality hidden.
Growing Up WYSIWYG
How altered would the world be if we were each What You See Is What You Get people throughout the various roles we play in life.
My family is full of WYSIWYG friends. There weren’t/aren’t hidden agendas, ploys, or deceptions. Maybe that’s why Dallas–either version of it—never appealed to me. Do families really act like that? Good heavens!
Of course having a family such as mine can also be detrimental. You wind up trusting people too easily and finding out you shouldn’t. I still over-trust. On top of that, it took many repeated life-lessons for me to realize that I could choose to purge those untrustworthy people from my life. I saw what they were and I didn’t want them.
The Manipulators
I’ve learned to be a bit pickier about who I let into my close friendships. The other day I realized my good friends have the same quality as my family: they are WYSIWYG people. They are what they are. These aren’t manipulators or players or the people I refer to as the Charismatic Vortexers.
You know the kind of person I mean. If they were religious, they’d be the evangelist preachers who are scamming the tent full of people—there for the money, not the beliefs. Don’t they make you shudder?
Charismatic Vortexers are always energized and vibrant and convince you that he/she believes that whatever they are selling is absolutely the truth and if you don’t buy in—you’re unreasonable! They expand an inordinate amount of energy trying to pull you into whatever scheme they’ve cooked up. When you finally catch on, you realize escaping is your only option.
These manipulators are the people I scrutinize. An email arrives and before whipping off a reply to their elegantly worded enticement, Sure, why wouldn’t I spend my Saturday cleaning your chimney—I pause and ponder:
- What is the request being made?
- Does the person have an ulterior motive?
- If I accept, what further nasty jobs will I be sucked into?
It is draining to deal with less than forthright individuals and yet, we are faced with them. Co-workers, relatives—whomever circumstances keeps us from being able to purge away. But, stuck with them though we may be, we can diminish their impact by realizing who they are and who they aren’t and guarding ourselves against the danger of being sucked into their black holes.
Note: Listen to Season 3 of Something Was Wrong for an education about manipulators–gaslighters.
Here’s to Our Honest Friends
Which takes me back to the WYSIWYG folks. These are the humans we’re drawn to, whose company we seek, and whose friendship we value. We simply feel at peace being in their presence.
Over the next week, try this little exercise:
First, assess your current friendships and see how many of them are in the WYSIWYG group. Lots? Applaud yourself!
Second, as you’re interacting with new people, view them through your new WYSIWYG insight and see if you choose to pursue a relationship with them or let them slip away.
Third, look at the non-WYSIWYGers in your life and decide if you can move away from them—opening up space in your life for those new friends you find so interesting.
Let me know what happens.
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Related musing: Do You Make Distinctions Between Sincerity and Seriousness?
I was just telling a true friend that I was kind of dreading being with some people in the near future just because I don’t feel like I can just be me. I’m always tip-toeing around being afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. Purging is not an option here. 🙁
I hear you, my sister. It’s why I have such deep value and appreciation of the people in my life that I can say anything to and even when it comes out wrong, they give me the benefit of the doubt that I intended it in the right way. One time, a relatively new friend was over for dinner. She reached for a kitchen towel hanging from the front of the range, paused, and asked: “Is this clean for me to wipe out this bowl?” At first I thought: huh, of course because I would get clean out for company. Then I started laughing and realized that she must live with a husband like mine that uses that towel for everything. I answered: “Thank you for being a friend who is comfortable asking me that question–you are smart to ask and the answer is yes.” Over our nearly 6 years we have had lots of blessed moments of frankness with each other. Yeah!
Hmmmm…slip away…nice way of putting it!
So, tell me why they keep telling me I need to quit wearing my PJ’s to work. That is what you get when I am at home!
Well, HQ, I’m assuming that if Seester is telling you to stop wearing your PJs to work; it’s for a darned good reason. She’s like that you know: as WYSIWYG as they get!
In the words of good ‘ol Popeye: “I ‘yams whats I ams, and dats all that I ‘yams”. I have some friends and acquaintances from my work career but generally keep those parts of my life as separate entities. So, I’d say that most people I know fall in to the WYSIWG category. That being said, I’d be okay being friends with people who are not WYSIWG as long as they don’t have despicable characteristics. Heck, I’m even okay dealing with sleazy personalities if need be. Variety is the spice of life!
You have a great approach that keeps you open to meeting all sorts of people, don’t you? I think that’s great.
So is the Popeye quote!