I’m Headstrong
Redheaded children are headstrong. What’s wrong with having a strong, positive, knowing your own mind, sticking to your guns, thinking head on your shoulders?
It seems logical that if you know yourself, then what you say or do should support your beliefs. Easy train to follow, right? Yet, can any of us definitively say that we have not been occasionally swayed by input coming at us? Internet searches lead us from where we started to how did I get there and spend ten minutes reading that? Facebook comments likes or dislikes make or break our days. We unexpectedly shrink under the critical opinions of friends and family for a photo we posted.
Those who’ve known me for the last several years will probably laugh at this sentence: I wish I had never given up being headstrong.
You’re saying I didn’t?
Had you known this redhead maniac as a child, you could clearly see how much I’ve mellowed.
Ahem. Family, hold thee tongues
I came across these photos and burst out laughing. This is a clear example of me as a headstrong child. I am sure my mother did not want me to have my school pictures taken in the same dress two years apart. There is no doubt that I insisted. I am sure I wore her down with whining until she caved under the sound of my voice. Who’s idea was it to buy a dress I could wear for three years? Probably mine. When did I grow? (Did I ever?)
I have distinct memories of loving this dress. Although I wouldn’t tie the bow, I loved it. This shades of green is still my favorite color. I loved the semi-cat-eye glasses that were all the rage in 1969. The Pixie haircut was not as loved. Funny since that’s what I sported since, Wear a Hat! Your scalp will thank you! We redheads have to be extra sun-careful.
From the vantage of time, it is a scream that I have these pictures as proof of my obstinacy.
Contrariness Runs in My Family
Mom, who could be as stubborn as a mule, had three of us between 1957 and 1962. The other two were calmer kids—older sister Jackie, still too nice—and younger brother Joey, the Golden Child. Jackie was generous, sweet, and rarely challenged a parent. Joey was kind and patient and always willing to lend a hand. Change those tenses to the present and you still have these siblings behaving in those ways.
I was fed the redheads-have-a-temper mantra for so long that I bought into—and endeavored to—live up to it. What fools thought telling a kid that they should be a fit-thrower was a good idea? Parents of redheads, keep that old wive’s tale to yourselves.
Redheaded Children Live for a Challenge
I was the rowdy little defiant one. Asking “why/why not” may start during the toddler years, but for me, it has never ceased. Why should I? Can’t you tell me why do you? Why would we? What do you mean I can’t? Why wouldn’t you? How does that happen?
On it went and on it goes.
Our poor Mom! She was not one to question the status quo. As a shy introvert, she wanted to fly under the radar. I wanted to run the radar.
Somewhere along the way I got a little less defiant.
While the questioning persona persists, the digger in of heels has changed.
Oh Those Redheaded Children
On the positive side are less arguments with those around me and a bit less stress in my life as I realize some battles are simply not worth having. On the negative side, though, is a lack of willpower or determination. Where before it would have been the “come hell or high water” approach to something I wanted, sometimes these days I find myself thinking, oh, whatever, why should I bother?
A Cavalier attitude is not good when one must have sheer determination and a thick skin to:
- Query agents for a mystery. Again and again.
- Write and maintain a blog. It’s more than what you see.
- Market my travel journals. Don’t you have a trip coming up?
- Create a sporadic Dog & Monkey Show blog. Adventures of Burt and Muggins.
- Work at a marriage. Fun, support, work.
- Spend time with a vast array of enjoyable friends. Where would I be without you?
- Deepen faith. This is a daily must.
- Maintain the wickedly evil Hill From Hades. Be thankful for the calmer parts of the yard.
- Exercise enough to stay in reasonable shape. So I can enjoy wine.
- Read, read, and read some more. And more. And more
It’s a lot. And I’m not a parent. I’m not sure how those folks do it.
Headstrong would serve me well these days
Headstrong would see me writing not just during the workday, but after supper, squeezing in another hour. Being disciplined could help me survive that hour-long Jillian Michael’s video instead of the 30-minute workout. Stubborn might see me walking into more gift and book stores seeking places to stock my travel journals.
How do you get that childhood determination back and use it for good, for goal achievement without being selfish?
Maybe it starts with concentrating on being headstrong as a positive trait and thinking about the ways that strength would come in handy in your adulthood. Maybe consider leaving the “head” part of the word and simply put energy into being strong.
What do you think? Would you use the word “headstrong” to describe yourself or what adjective would you plug into the title of this blog?
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A related (oh, so redheaded) post, A Rose By Any Other Name
Mellowed huh? (Please picture my Uncle Jim eyebrow in action here)
HAHAHA. Seriously, I think I’ve mellowed quite a bit.
I was always headstrong but yes there is always something good about everything. It makes me feel more determined about my goals or the desires I have. The people who are headstrong always try to achieve what they like. In addition, I really liked your pictures, they are really cute.
The determination is good, Tushita. Ha ha. Maybe since I was cute my mom was able to put up with me!
I wouldn’t call myself headstrong. I think my strength is in being flexible and find different ways to get something accomplished. I guess that would be called determined, so what really is the difference?
Chantal, I think the difference between headstrong and determined is in the eye of the parents dealing with the child!
I always enjoy reading about your childhood antics and looking at your endless photographs! I take it your mum had her work cut out having you as a daughter! I would class myself as stubborn. I have always had my own mind though as a teenager I was quiet and introverted. I lacked confidence in one way but was not scared to be different in the way I dressed and the fact that I loved alone time reading. I guess I knew I did not have it in me to fit in and realised It was pointless trying to. I smiled on reading your list of achievements – inspiring.
Glad you liked this one, Phoenicia! Oh my poor mom. She sure put up with a lot. We should compare notes on the clothes we used to wear–I made some interesting getups! Stubborn is not always a bad thing, right?
I think I was probably headstrong. I was definitely confrontational, especially involving anyone in some sort of authority position. But I also have probably mellowed. Aging, I guess.
Those pictures completely cracked me up! I think we’re sisters from a different mother! Yep… determined, stubborn, call it whatever you will. Bottom line, it has served me well in some cases and in others not so much. So the wisdom has to come from knowing the difference. Still waiting 🙂
Ha! Love it, Jacquie–especially since Jackie = Seester on these pages! You are SO right about still waiting for the wisdom to strike!
I am stubbornly stubborn…to a fault…even when my inside words stay inside…they often fall somewhere on the spectrum of defiance. I find it has evolved though, into an athletic competitiveness which I find both liberating and invigorating and I can’t imagine my existence without it. It seems in some ways being stubborn has helped me find my voice and my confidence.
Knowing you as I do, dear niece, I would agree with the above. You and I went head to head a number of times when you were a child. Both too stubborn for our own good!
Your self-directed defiance of what defines a “normal” life is a great thing to see. You are wildly successful being you–because of your headstrong nature!
I go with determined like Annette and yes, have been called several other variations of that! I’ve found that I have mellowed for the things I realize are not as essential to get worked up about, but absolutely retain the ‘fight’ and determination for those that are important to me. Supporting a friend to find his way when he’s questioning things although I really don’t have extra time; going to bat for a colleague when her side of the story has not been heard; making time to do my various art pursuits because although it takes effort to prepare and attend – I always feel energized having done so. And most recently repricing and tagging and inventorying jewelry to put in a show – sometimes starting at 9 pm after getting off client calls!
When I haven’t had that motivation, inner strength, “I can do it” attitude -I haven’t felt myself. Now that it’s back, I feel far more balanced & positive.
In the last several months I have seen this Can Do attitude shine out from you like a Lighthouse beacon! It is a wonderful thing to see. And the longer you pursue the artistic things you’re doing, the greater the shine becomes. Bravo!
Determined. I say I’m “determined.” Others use different words, I’m sure. 😉
Determined works for me, Annette!