Gladiator is my favorite Russell Crowe film next to A Good Year.
A Good Year is a comedy and Crowe carries off the humor and romance in true Cary Grant fashion. From the first scene Gladiator launches into a brilliant action film and character sketch. Croweās Maximus character is revving up his Roman troops to do battle and announces, āWhat we do in life echoes in eternity.ā
That line is absolutely profound.
Each small thing we do in life echoes out into the world on a larger scale.
Anyone who spends time on introspection can get overwhelmed by thinking whether or not weāre affecting anything going on around us in this big old world. When relationships, politics, or social matters aggravate us, we can choose how to react. We can complain and argue, solving nothing. Or we can realize that each of us makes a difference by having our ripples be positive instead of negative ones.
Harnessing Our Ripples
Starting the work to eliminate negativity is onerous. We begin with ourselves, learning not to take ourselves too seriously and to adjust our attitudes toward others. But what about those others?
Eliminate Negativity From Your Life
I purge negative people from my life and work to avoid adding others of a detrimental nature.
You may be forced to interact with a family member or two whose views turn toward the woe-is-me and pessimistic approach to life. You canāt always write relatives out of your script, can you? But you can turn away when they talk negatively, steering the conversation to a new and brighter topic.
At work, it can be equally difficult to avoid interactions with a defeatist personality. Once, I had a co-worker who insisted on telling me every critical statement another co-worker said about me. Including boldfaced lies. I thought, āWow, Iāve never done anything to this person, what the heck.ā Looking at the situation from a different point of view, I finally told the teller, āStop repeating every lie she says about me. For whatever reason she hates me. There is nothing I can do to change her.ā
Did the person stop saying bad things about me? Nope, she sure didnāt. But I no longer had to waste my time hearing it or have my psyche damaged wondering why she disliked me so much. I could focus my time on positive energy colleagues instead.
My Negativity
One of my mundane negatives is getting ticked off at bad motorists. Every city has its fair share of weird driving habits. Pittsburgh does, too. Iām a road-rule obeyerāwhatever the sign or situation dictates, I do. Yielding entering a highway, flicking the turn signal at an interactionāsuch easy steps to take and yet make a positive impact on other drivers. When I get upset at poor drivers and want to react aggressively, I stop and think: uh oh, what if thatās someone from my neighborhood? Iāve trained myself to react nicely.
If you see a crazy (still a little left) redhead driving around Pittsburgh in her Rogue, smile and wave ā¦ youāll help me stay on target with my goal to share positive echoes around our cityāespecially when behind the wheel!
Setting Incoming Boundaries
Even in a harmonious family, boundaries are tough to contend with. If a parent is defeatist, you have to find a way to deal with them respectfully and yet set your limits of interaction. One friend has a mother who calls if Mother Nature does something wild within five hundred miles of her to make sure she isnāt hurt. My friend can predict that if there is a storm in her vicinity, her mother will call. She simply doesnāt answer the phone. Another friend has a mother who always checks up on her. The friend is over fifty and quite responsible. She decided to set conversation parameters: Mom, if youāre going to quiz me on every detail of my day, Iām not talking to you.
Itās hard, but setting your boundaries can be done. And it can keep negativity from dominating your life.
When to Emulate Others
Dad and I walked into one of the small town cafĆ©s he frequented. Dad was in his early seventies, looking and acting sixty something. I trailed in behind him, and heard a resounding array of names called out in greeting: Grif, Gil, Montana ā¦ and saw smiles everywhere. One old gent shook Dadās hand and said, āIāve known your dad since he was this big,ā indicating about five years old. āHeās always been a good fellow.ā I smiled saying I knew that.
Gilbertās ripples were broad and far reaching even though he grew up and lived in the same small town almost his entire life. What did Dad reshape in the world around him? Everyone, I think, who came in contact with him was changed as a result of his positive outlook. In facing ALS, the medical, Veteranās, and hospice people who met Dad at the worst time of his life were swept up in the joy he shared simply by being.
When I think about the ripples I want to cause in my world and the eternity I hope for in heaven, I think about what Dad did with his time on earth. I want to mirror that sort of positive, giving energy to everyone around me. My goal is to not be remembered for negativity.
Sounds like a lot of work, doesnāt it? Maybe. Changing our attitudes and ways of approaching other people ā¦ is difficult and profound and takes deep soul-searching. If we care about our endeavors echoing into the eternity around us, channeling the responsibility for the repercussions of our actions is a challenge more of us might want to shoulder.
Back to Russell
In A Good Year, the crusty Albert Finney plays Croweās characterās Uncle Henry. This is a favorite quote from him, āOnce you find something good Max, you need to take care of it.You need to let it grow.ā From deep inside ourselves, we need to pull out goodwill and graciousness and unloose it on the world.
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Read: James Garner inspired reflections and a musical bit of reflection, Harry Chapin
Good for you for taking such an enlightened attitude towards the bad drivers. I try to adopt that kind of wisdom – no point in letting those people get to you – they probably just had a bad day. But sometimes it is so challenging. As you mention though – no point in taking on someone else’s bad vibes. Absorb the positive stuff/reflect all the junk!
If I couldn’t laugh at some of the things I see drivers do around here, I would weep every time I get in the car! In LA, I saw more good drivers than bad–they just went really fast! (when they could!)
Who can turn the world on with a smile…..love is all around. Letās smile and share. Which in turn just could ripple to the negative naysayers.
And you are always eager to share your bright smile, Carol!
Great post! There’s a lot of science that shows that emotions – both negative and positive – are contagious, and the “catchiest” of the contagion are negative emotions.
Also like this quote (source unknown): “Our job is not to convert others, but to transform ourselves. As each of us finds peace in our own heart, we begin to radiate a light that warms and heals everyone we contact. This is the way of the planetary healer. “
Yes, Karen, I’ve never understood why negative so often wins. Wouldn’t we all rather be happy? So I’m working on keeping my own heart happy and hoping I share that openly enough with others. It’s also why I keep positive-minded friends like you in my life!
Having a gratitude attitude may sound corny, but it works. We can all find some little nugget that we are thankful for each day. If we do that, then the ripples will happen and maybe just maybe it will help make the world a more pleasant place.
Corny works just fine in my life, Cheryl. Yesterday, even at 16 degrees, I was happy for sunshine!
Sometimes I don’t mind having negative people around, makes me fell better having the life I have now.
My advice to people is “it takes the same effort to be happy and positive, as it does to be negative and miserable” difference is, people don’t mind being around you when you are positive.
Thanks for sharing.
Great point, William! People do prefer to be around happy people. I’ve been practicing this week to not complain about the little things. Like being cold when it’s 9 degrees (man is that hard to avoid yipping about!) or stubbing my toe…you get the idea. My theory is that my little whining adds up to a day of whining and I’d like to avoid that. Keep you posted!
Wonderful article RoseMary! You are so right, it is rarely easy to let go of the negative people in your life, but it really must be done. I ended a friendship that spanned 15 years because my friend slowly turned into someone so negative that the muscles in my shoulders ached and I felt sick to my stomach just having to spend time with her. It hurt to cut that tie because we had been through a lot together, but people evolve and sometimes just in different directions. It isn’t good or bad, it’s just life. Congratulations for recognizing how you can make a difference and the importance of those little ripples. š
I know what you mean about having a physical reaction like that to a negative person, Marquita. For me it was getting away from a particular coworker (not a friend) that put my shoulders back where they belonged.
A friend once told me that a successful relationship doesn’t have to last forever. I thought that was wise.
I look forward to inspiration, as life is full of challenges but we mustn’t stop chasing our love!
Love you post dear, thanks for sharing š
Our many, many loves, Sushmita! The most interesting people I know have the desire to learn and do many different things in life. Such delight!
Rosemary — It’s really important to let go of the negative people in your life. Two people in my circle come to mind. I had to gradually withdraw from them because our relationships had become so one-sided. It was all about them with never a question or interest in me or my life. One was a very long-standing friendship and it wasn’t easy, but I didn’t want to continue resenting them. They are good people and it made me sad but also relieved.
It is hard to let go of people you see value in and yet who bring negativity into your life, Jeannette. I, too, have had to purge people for my better mental health. My hope is that I bring more positive into my friendships than issues!
Love this post!
It can be hard work to remain positive if you have a tendency to be negative. You will need to renew your mind daily until you notice the changes. I was rather negative as a teen and in my 20’s and on meeting my husband was astounded by the optimism that oozed out of him. He believed he could do almost anything and greatly encouraged me – he still does.
Phoenicia, I have a hard time believing you were ever negative giving the positive comments you make on blogs as well as the positive tone of your own. So bravo for no longer being that person! Love the support your husband provides. That’s great!