Merriam-Webster defines kindness as the quality or state of being kind; treating people with kindness and respect.
Many of the disciple Paul’s Biblical writings discuss kindness:
- Galatians 5:22 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
- Colossians 3:12 – Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4 – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Kindness is one of the most exceptional strengths a person can cultivate.
Throughout his life, my brother has been known as a nice person. But when our father was wasting away from ALS, Joey’s three sisters witnessed a kindness toward and delicate handling of dad’s thin frame that we had not realized was inside Joey. He was gentle and sweet and always treated Dad like an adult, never as a child, and yet moved and maneuvered Gilbert’s aching body with the care a mother shows her newborn.
We witnessed consideration in every interaction between the two men in our family. Their relationship brought us to understanding the depth of what kindness can mean and the important role it plays in our lives. Watching Dad and Joey may be one of the first times we sisters, as adults, truly understood the word.
It takes little effort to be a mean or petty person.
The wicked devil inside wants to say or do a thing and the hurtful words are blurted out without pausing to consider the ramifications. We witness adults behaving rather like a two-year-old learning to share toys for the first time. Don’t they, most often, first want to keep what is theirs to themselves? Demanding that the giants tending them bow to their tiny (but loud) wills? Thankfully, most of us grow away from that selfishness. We observe and learn from the altruism of others. We become empathetic and learn to be sympathetic. These traits come out of us cloaked in benevolence.
And what being kind does for our own souls is huge.
Have you ever had to run some errands you hate (for me it’s the grocery store—I’d rather roam the aisles of a hardware store any day) and are grumpy about it? But you steel yourself, you enter, and make the conscious choice to seek out opportunities to exhibit goodwill. You help an elderly person reach something from a high shelf, you notice who looks sad and offer them a smile.
Those tiny actions change what’s inside you and you no longer mind being in that spot at that time. You brighten someone’s day by noticing them and the selfish storm cloud you were wearing on your face lessens.
But keep that cloud of glumness over your head as you walk through a market, mall, or a park, and people sense it. They keep their distance and you come home having experienced a shallow, empty, non-connection with others.
Kindness changes everything.
When there is a difficult person in your life with whom you have to interact, do you immediately go on the warpath or do you take a deep breath and say to yourself, I’m going to kill them with kindness? Our parents taught us to approach people in the latter way. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, was another of their pearls of wisdom in how to deal with unpleasant humans.
Sometimes, that contrary person simply wants to pick a fight with you. Some people love conflict. You approach them with the patience of Job and yet they attack and attack.
The Bible has three instances of turning the other cheek:
- Lamentations 3:30 – Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.
- Matthew 5:39 – But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.
- Luke 6:29 – If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also.
Some people love harmony.
They rejoice in bringing a cadence of unity to life, easily soothing over hurts and hardships by being loving and kind. Don’t you find yourself pulling these people into your orbit? You spend time with them and daily angst takes a backseat as you enjoy their company. Your heart expands, which enables you to share your inner richness with others.
One evening after Mom had passed (eight months before Dad), we children were at Dad’s house. While we tried to make this happen as often as possible, Joey was the only child living nearby. Jackie lives in Montana, Joanne and I in Pittsburgh—an eighty mile drive. We’d had a pleasant evening visiting, Dad constantly amazing us with the use of Harry, his speaking device, to type witty remarks into every conversation. Bedtime arrived and Joey wheeled Dad into his room, parking the chair just so, positioning his body just so, reaching for Dad just so. Joey asked, “Ready, Pal?” Three sisters wept. Those simple words were filled with gentleness and consideration—the very epitome of kindness. Our brother set an example that we longed to follow.
Positive energy reciprocity is vital to having a rich life full of goodness, of giving and receiving joy.
Try a little kindness today—go into the world wearing it like a shield that emanates from your soul. Let me know how that works out for you.
Treating people with kindness is important to mankind. No one knows what anyone is going through at any point in time. Kind words and kind act can lift the soul.
Right-on, Bola. I couldn’t agree more.
Thanks for this post RoseMary. Like Marqueta I’m not religious but I don’t think that matters – kindness cannot be overrated wherever it comes from. I love the thought of killing (certain) people with kindness – I have a few of those in my life that I need to work on in that respect! Also lovely to hear other people’s small kindnesses to others and also their responses to it. Very inspiring for those of us who need to constantly work on being kind!
The small kindnesses sure go a long way. I took my bro-in-law to the airport today and we had the nicest agent at the check-in counter. At 6:00 in the morning, to have an exchange that polite and friendly was sure a welcome thing!
RoseMary, 1 Corinthians 13: 4 is one of my favourite Bible verses and I have tried to live up to it, not always succeeding. But it’s amazing what a difference a little kindness can make. I was once early for an appointment and decided to wait in a coffee shop. An elderly lady was in there and she looked at me so I started talking to her. When I had to leave she was almost in tears and thanked me for making her day so pleasant. Such a small thing with a huge impact. (I do have a more difficult time shrugging of other people’s unkindness).
Yes, Lenie, it’s a great one to keep in mind.
Aw, I love that she was so touched by your kindness! I have to admit that today I met a friend at Panera and tried twice to order a drink, but was totally ignored by staff. This was surprising because the same management was there that I always see there and she is always upbeat and smiling. I was frustrated and had the whole internal conversation about–oh give up and go sit down, she’s grouchy. Then, duh, I remembered this post. So when she turned to me, I said, You are always full of smiles when I am in here, what’s wrong? I thought she was going to cry because I asked–and when we were done, I did get her to smile.
Kindness is a strength and it takes conditioning, just like lifting weights!
Recently I had someone be very unexpectedly unkind to me. I was and still am very hurt by it. I did not respond in kind but with much anger. I regret acting out my anger. It would have been much better if I had just not responded at all until I had calmed down. I’m afraid this relationship is damaged and may never be repaired and it makes me very sad. I did tell the person that had I to do it over again I would not have responded the way that I did. I recently read, what I think, is utterly true by TobyMac:
The Mouth Should Have Three Gatekeepers.
Is it True?
Is it Kind?
And is it Necessary?
I have been accosted by surprising unkindness, too. One of the most brutal was my first week at a new job. A woman (absolutely not qualified for the job) who’d worked there for years came to my desk and began screaming at me about how I took her job and she knew all about how I was related to someone there (I was not) and that’s the only reason I got the job. I was so shocked at the attack that I didn’t know what to say to her. I may not have been able to articulate a single word. She continued to hate me for years and I finally reached the understanding that it was simply sad that she had chosen to be that way instead of choosing kindness.
I like your/Toby’s 3 questions!
I enjoyed reading this post!
You have quoted some powerful scriptures particularly 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4. What a standard to live up to.
Your brother sounds like a true gentleman. How humble of him to take on full responsibility of your father.
I agree it is easier to be unkind than it is to be kind. In my lifetime I have spoken many an unkind word due to feeling hurt, being angry or betrayed. I am learning to think before speaking, own my feelings and take full responsibility for my actions.
Phoenicia, I know we have only met through our blogs and emails, but I have a hard time thinking you could be unkind! Maybe if someone was being mean to your family–but otherwise, not so much. So whatever you are doing, you are doing it well!
My brother, my sisters, my family–those Griffiths are a kind bunch. Always willing to drop what they’re doing to lend a hand and particularly to laugh with you. They’re an unusual bunch!
As you know, I don’t do the bible thing, but I am a huge fan of kindness. And yes, I do try to surround myself with people who are positive, kind and compassionate. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was end a 15-year friendship because the individual had become so negative it literally made me ill whenever I was with her. Thanks for the inspiration RoseMary!
That’s sad, Marquita, when we have to end a relationship for such a sad reason. I wonder what made her become that way?
I love that both our blogs were about kindness this week–we’re both big fans of that!
I knew from your social media posts that ALS had touched your life. I’m not sure I realized it was your father. That must have been really crucial at that time to find kindness..
We all can practice being more kind. It’s an easy lesson to forget, even if you, in general, consider yourself a kind person. It’s so easy to get into your car and be a jerk when you think others aren’t looking. Or just look away when there is someone in need. It’s good to have these reminders about kindness.
Yes, Erica, that stinking ALS.
In editing my mystery, I added this not to the top of my page: remember, RM, everyone can be a jerk sometimes.
We aren’t any of us perfect, but if we choose to be kind first, that might head off the jerk moments!
Surely an admirable goal to live by this. I’ll try to keep your words in mind in situations in which I’m tempted to be something less than kind.
Being kind can be a challenge, Ken, I readily admit I work at it!
I love this post, Rose, and it comes to me at a really poignant time. I was just saying to a friend yesterday, that if I ever find myself in search of another partner, the number one trait I would look for is kindness. I live with someone who loves conflict, and I am one of those you refer to as a person who loves harmony. So if can be difficult!
I agree that kindness cannot be overrated, Doreen. It seems to grow in importance the older I get, so I understand that would be a dominate trait that you–that most everyone (I hope), would look for in a partner, a friend. Harmony is much more beautiful than conflict!