In lieu of the tragedies in the world
and serious events in our individual lives, I’ve been making a concerted effort to limit my complaining.
I have, after all, a great life.
Our home is in a nice neighborhood.
My husband and I are healthy. After so many hospital trips in our first two years together an orderly quipped, “I’m giving you a frequent flier card, my man,” Alex hasn’t been in since 2011. I contend with hypothyroidism, but with the right prescription and vitamins, I’m kicking its butt.
We have fun friends we treat with the casualness of family. We have family we treat with the gentleness of our friends.
I’m fortunate as can be to write full-time.
Alex and I travel as much as we can.
Life is Good. Why be Negative?
Still, I find it in me to whine about this and sometimes about that. I disappoint myself when I complain about stupid, uncontrollable, unimportant things like winter or driving in Pittsburgh. Or drivers driving badly in bad Pittsburgh weather.
Perhaps I’m somewhat more reasonable when I shriek, “Eek!” for Alex to be my hero and save me from:
- Brown, squat spiders roaming the kitchen.
- Squiggly thousand leggers invading my office.
(It’s not that I can’t save myself, but hey he likes being my knight in shining armor. For real.)
- Or even to chase away the gang of deer that eat our laboriously planted flowers. The day after they bloom.
This is the stuff I frequently grouse about. None of which is worth voicing the words over, right?
I Observe People a Lot.
That statement is the first sentence on the “About Me” page on my website.
Jackie often wishes my brain would shut off for a while as I spout observation after observation. She’s been officially listening to me rant about stuff longer than anyone else in our family. We always shared a room, which means when I learned to talk, I started prattling on about life as a toddler and never stoped.
I often say, poor Jackie.
Then I snicker.
There’s so much beauty to see and kindness to remark about. How can a person go through a day without noticing? Observing? Commenting? How, I beg you to tell me how?
Ah, but at times it is easy to make what I’ve seen as griping. To confess a stupid one, going to the grocery store aggravates me. Yes, really. It’s too big and it takes too long, and there are too many choices. Seriously, RoseMary? That’s worth being negative about? I think not.
Working to Create a Better Attitude
It takes a lot of practice, but when I catch myself complaining—about the store and other silly things—I work to counterbalance with positive words.
- I hate the grocery store.
- I am grateful for money to take to the store to find any number of different food choices. (Particularly important when you are as picky as an eater I am!)
Or:
- The morning the crows cawing woke Alex too early. Complaint?
- Or how nice is it to sleep with the windows open and hear the birds?
And:
- Our sunny, rainy spring means mowing two times in one week!
- Mowing twice a week is a hundred times better than shoveling snow once a winter.
Changing Ourselves Through Gratitude
These are small perspective changes that help me overcome bleakness and be thankful for the marvelous life I have. So much better than being a negative Nellie about the occasional inconsequential unpleasantness.
Especially when my bad is minor compared to what survivors of too many incidents in our current world are challenged with daily—mentally and physically.
I’ll consider myself changed for the better when I get in my car, drive across this haphazard city, singing at the top of my lungs to MercyMe and not quip about the drivers around me.
What do you want to stop complaining about?
**
Read: Being frugal in life sure doesn’t mean you aren’t rich.
I needed to read this tonight. I’ve definitely had my gripes today. But I feel so much better when I focus on the positives. It’s all about perspective, right? You always seem so uplifting in your blog posts. So you always make me want to complain a little less.
You are so sweet, Erica! Next time I am on a tear about something, I’ll email you just to share the rant. (Nice of me, right?) It is all about perspective. Since you inspired me to keep a gratitude/prayer journal years ago, sometimes the most important thing I write is: Thank you for a warm house, for a bed and pillows, for a coffee (Nespresso!) machine… all those inanimate things that make life pleasant and cozy.
Hi RoseMary and Happy New Year! I am actually not a complainer. Somehow, I am fortunate enough to be filled with gratitude on a daily basis. And I am grateful for that! As you said in your post, we have much to be grateful for and somehow I learned a long the way that it’s much more fun staying on the positive side of life. I find I’ve distanced myself from people who are chronic complainers. Knowing your positive attitude, I know you’re not one of those! All the best for 2020 and keep smiling. 🙂
I’m an optimist, Doreen, so that helps with the attitude, but I can complain–about let’s see, really bad drivers, people who text when they should be operating their cars, people who litter in national parks… It’s much better to be so grateful for having two 11-year-old-cars that run well and national parks to visit!
Here’s to us in 2020!
I appreciated the comment that you have friends that you treat with the casualness of family and family that you treat with the gentleness of friends. I know exactly what you mean and couldn’t have expressed it better. Treating family gently is not always the norm.
Thanks, Ken. It was a shock when I first made that observation. I have tried very hard to not do that to the people I happily have in my life. It’s not always an intuitive thing–it’s easy to take each other for granted. Especially when we are making each other nuts.
I don’t think I could go 21 days without complaining but I wish that I could! I will try it! It’s great to get a new perspective….hate doing laundry? Be thankful you have clothes to wash. Hate paying bills? Thank heavens I have the money to pay them. I’ve done this exercise and it’s a great way to think of things differently.
Can we practice together? I exhaust myself with my observations and work so, so hard to make sure I am not complaining. The washer is going, the furnace is on, my husband is working, I have a computer. And over it all? I have the most wonderful friendships to participate in, observe, and be blessed by!
I think that complaining is a (bad) habit that is sometimes difficult to break. And, for many people, it is also a means (an unhealthy one, I believe) of gaining attention (“Misery not only loves company. It derives validation from it.). I love how you “flip the script” in the examples above. We are blessed with so many good things, and it’s easy to break the habit of complaining by making that concerted effort to see the good. I especially loved Will Bowen’s book, A Complaint Free World. He recommends going 21 days without complaining about anything (and he points out that, say, sending your cold soup in a restaurant back to the kitchen to be re-warmed, is not a complaint – unless you then go on and rant about it. Your soup was just cold and you want it warm.) I never made 21 days without complaining, but it made me more aware that I complained more than I thought I did.
I don’t know if I can make 21 days, but will give it a whirl! I write in my prayer/gratitude journal mornings and evenings to try to start the day on a positive and thankful note. Sometimes it works perfectly. Other times… It’s almost easier to remain positive outwardly than inward, if that makes sense.
That does make sense – and that’s part of Bowen’s program. You can think negative all you want, but just don’t express it verbally. And as you stop complaining verbally, there will be fewer complaints mentally (especially if you can look for the positive and gratitude in the situation). He recommends wearing a bracelet on one wrist, and when you become aware that you’re complaining, you switch it over to the other wrist … and start the 21 days all over again. I found the first few days, that I switched the bracelet a LOT. He says it takes most people four to 6 months to actually make 21 days complaint free (which I never managed … but it did make me more aware for a few weeks). I don’t think I could do it all in today’s political climate.
That’s an interesting way to approach attitude changing!