My life is not justified—not fully at least.
Not yet.
If not at 59, will it be at 69, 79? Tomorrow? Next week? When will it be? And will I know? Will I sense it with every part of my being? Ah, I’ll say, now I get why I am here! What are my reasons to live? Here and now.
The internal debate of self-vindication surrounding my continued good health (hypothyroidism is my sole issue) as friends contend with this or that—a minor cold or a barrage of ailments—goes hand in hand with what is my purpose in life, asking daily what can I do to serve God while I’m here?
Do we have to become famous, win Pulitzers, erect monuments in order to been seen as having lived a life of value?
Or is it more about each interaction one person has with another that makes our existence worthwhile?
Lessons Learned and Reasons to Live
This blog was first posted a few years ago, drafted on the heels of having seen a new doctor regarding treatment for a foot I abused while hiking. She requested—this is what a unique person she was—that I email her in two weeks to let her know how my foot was healing. I did as she asked and we exchanged a half dozen emails about her pending move back to her hometown near lovely San Diego. The closing of these emails was me stating that come winter time, I’d be thinking of her with envy. She sent back the iconic smiley face.
Five weeks later, she was dead. Something burst in her brain and she was gone immediately.
A mother of two boys on either side of ten, recently divorced, she was setting off on an adventure, building a new life for herself and her kids. She was looking forward to being around family again and re-establishing bonds that distance inhibits even when they stay intact. Having lived away from my parents and extended family for fifteen years, I knew what she meant. Relationships can stay close when miles separate you—it takes work—but sharing daily life with someone brings a different level of connectedness.
Then she was gone. In an unexpected breath of a moment everything changed for her children, her family, and her friends.
Writers Contemplate
It’s what we do. Writers ponder reasons to live–reasons to write. We can ponder why the sky is that particular shade of cornflower blue today when yesterday by late afternoon it had a lilac tinge to it. Ruminating on the skies, we can certainly muse about God, his blueprint for our lives, and wondering why her and not me?
What the plan for my life may be has me awakening each day, delving into this and that, writing and sharing my thoughts. Why am I allowed to continue to be here, looking out at the yard, seeing spring arrive, flowers turn from green to bloom, hummingbirds begin their darting back and forth between two feeders? What is it that I am to contribute that enables me to remain here, weaving words and creating worlds?
Her death and too many others jolt me think and again to think of what legacy I will leave when I split from earth.
I’m not going to Madam Curie a cure, immortalize The Wright Brothers or The Johnstown Flood like David McCullough, I’m not the entrepreneur to launch a million dollar innovative industry. Those things are not in me, although striving to be like McCullough is not a bad writing goal to have in life.
What I Know about My Reasons to Live
Deep in my heart is that I want to continue doing is striving to be a good person.
- Grow in my faith so that it defines me far more than my other personality traits. The crazy aspects that make me, me—the cackling laugh, the moving at warp speed, the ability to make the bed and somehow brush my teeth at the same time.
- Be a verbal disciple of Christ, on paper, because attempting to articulate my faith isn’t always eloquence in action.
- Craft blogs that make you laugh or think or touch the spots of grief that hide inside so you can let them out.
- Create fiction telling a story with enticing characters, strong descriptions, and a plot that people share with friends for the fun of it.
- Travel and continue enlightening myself by immersion in the history of places and the gift of meeting the people who currently live there.
- I long to breathe deeply of life every day so that God is justified in keeping me here a little bit longer and maybe a little bit longer after that.
I want a lot, don’t I?
Having recently spent too short a time in the presence of an enticing 91-year-old, justifying our lives is about who we are in the moment of interacting with others. We have known Grumpy Old Men and women. The people who carp on about this, complain about that, growl on about another thing or two. Then we have the elderly in whose presence we simply want to sit and be. They charm and captivate us. We want to have coffee, talk about life or sports, intrigued to hear this particular person’s point of view.
I leave my encounter with that sweet elderly gent thinking about what a legacy he instills in everyone who crosses his path. He may or may not have done things deemed “great” by society. What I know is what he does in the presence of others. He pulls them into his world with stories, quick wit, and an all encompassing smile—and that is huge indeed.
So with a nod to Madame Curie and those famous folks doing good in the world, I will continue to work on a legacy that is a simple one:
Be a better person so those in my wake are not brutally jostled by it, rather find themselves enjoying the ride.
What’s legacy are you working to create?
*Read, Zen and Mowing (intrigued, aren’t you?)
I want to do a lot of things…not for me but for the society! I have made up my mind that throughout my life I will try to help, educate and enlighten people about life and equip them with all the the traits essential to lead a positive life.
I want this to be continued even after I leave this planet someday. I hope I can motivate a group of young minds to carry the baton forward. For me this would be an ideal legacy!
Thank you so much, Rose…this post has inspired me to work even firmly toward my goal!
Tuhin, I enjoy your blog and the spreading of goodwill that is at the core of it. You are well on the way of achieving your goal(s)!
Hi Rose, I like the simplicity of Kens thinking. If I can just be a good person and try to leave the world a better place than I found it hopefully God will justify keeping me around awhile longer 🙂
Susan, a couple of friends and I are doing the Purpose Driven Life, trying to figure out why God let’s us stick around this lovely, confusing, delightful old planet. I think spreading goodness is one of the reasons!
In the past a legacy often bothered me. I have, nor will ever, have any children. So that legacy is gone.
I have wrote a book, and that is something to leave, but few people have read it. For me, it was supposed to be pro wrestling, but I never made it big. But then, I did train others, and they will train others after I am gone. In this way, my knowledge given to others has passed on. Maybe this should be all of our legacies, to pass on to the next generation something to give to the one that follows. It allows us to be part of the past, and the future.
Well said, William. Passing along–something–is a legacy that all of us can do in one form or another. I like the thought of that. And, your book is out there–that means it can continue to be read. I was heartened at the Dollar Tree the other day when I found a Tom Wolfe book on the shelf. 🙂
I’d like to think that I’m still working on my legacy. I’m not there yet because I’m still making mistakes, but I’m doing much better than I was a few years ago.
We’re all still making mistakes, Jason! The type of the mistake just changes over the years. And I’m okay with that–it means I’m still striving, that I haven’t given up and gotten complacent or “safe” about my life. That’s a horrifying notion.
When I first moved out to Los Angeles, the friend who I moved out here with died in a car crash. Her tire burst on the freeway and she flipped over. She was driving to Arizona to give the car back to her parents who she had borrowed it from. She didn’t want to drive alone, so I called her a few days before the trip to recommend I take the trip with her. Somehow I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth and I never suggested it. I always think about what would have been. (both if she’d still be alive and if I’d have been in the car). The most sense I could make from that at the time was to honor her life by taking everything she taught me by being in my life and use it to make my world better. I think that is one of the best ways you can honor someone.
Erica, I’m sad to hear about the loss of your friend. That would definitely make you think of life’s “what ifs.” From knowing you via our blogging and commenting, I think you are doing a lot to make the world around you a better place. Bravo!
A dedication to craft and setting the bar high are the crux of my legacy, such as it is.
Being dedicated to what you’re doing is an important part of happiness.
Rose, I wish I could express myself as well as you – I want all the things you listed to also be my legacy and I want to meet you in person. Thank you for being my friend.
Lenie, you humble me. I love your posts and having your cyber-friendship. I look forward to meeting in person! It’s a goal for this year!
In reading The Purpose Driven Life there is a chapter where the author says “Many people spend their lives trying to create a lasting legacy on earth. They want to be remembered when they’re gone. Yet, what ultimately matters most will not be what others say about your life but what God says.” Of course I want my grandchildren and children, etc. to remember me when I’m gone….I want to have lived my life well and to have affected people. But when I am standing before God I want Him to be able to say “you taught your grandchildren about Me, you gave to that person in need…all because of your love for Me.”
Beautifully said, Seester! I hope your kids/grandkids can say the same about your sister (after all the other insane lessons I’ve taught them–yikes!).
I love that passage in PDL.
What a lovely piece. Thank you. While I’m here (on this go around…) I choose to be a bridge that connects others to themselves and to one another, a widely recognized writer, a person whose ideas propel others toward their own dreams, an adventurous, and understanding person who is kind to others while also being kind to myself.
Thank you, Michele. Being a bridge is a good goal to have–making connections that help people. Yes, we must remember to be kind to ourselves!
I agree with Ken that “just being a good person” is no small legacy. I think the biggest legacies people leave are not in the grand things they do but the small ways they live their lives and touch the people around them.
You’re right, Donna. I have a particular friend who seems to spread a wake of sunshine behind her everywhere she goes. Isn’t that admirable? And she makes it seem all so effortless!
I think some people think of legacy as being just stuff and money. I like to think of legacy as those thoughts, strengths, and lessons that are passed down from one generation to another. And each day when you do them or use them, you think of the person who taught it to you. It’s so important to think of this from time to time to stay on track. Thanks for sharing your experience. You are truly sharing a legacy here on your blog.
Ah Sabrina, thank you for the humbling words. I agree with you-legacy isn’t about the “stuff” our parents left me and my siblings. It’s about the stories–the delighted stories–we are still telling in the wake of their passing 7 & 8 years ago. What a legacy they’ve given us!
Ah, legacy. I’ve actually written about this a time or two and, for me, it’s about the lives I touch along the way. It’s hard working to make a difference in other people’s lives because you spend so much time surrounded by silence, searching for scraps of truth and some small sign you’re on the right path, that you are making a difference.
Every once in awhile someone will send me an email or post a note on social media letting me know something I’ve said or written has made a difference, made them really think about something. That is what I want my legacy to be, “She made me pay attention to my life.” 🙂
And I love your writings about this very topic, Marquita. I urge readers to pop over to your site and look them up. You’re always eloquent about a difficult topic. I love your thought, “She made me pay attention to my life.” That is a truly wonderful thing to be able to do, to think, and to say to another person!
This article is touching in a number of ways. I often wonder why some are taken young and others left to live a long life. It seems unfair. I wake and go to bed thankful that I have seen another day. I am determined to make a difference on this earth.
I would like my love for God to be passed down to my generations to come. They too will give their hearts to Him and be willing to serve Him over the things of this world.
I would like to leave money, as in money for my generations to come so they will have great wealth and invest in the lives of others.
I would like to positively impact on the lives of every single person I come into contact with. I enjoy encouraging and inspiring others – allowing them to see their full potential.
I would like to speak to women – young and old from a big platform. To show them the love God has shown me. To heal the hearts of the depressed, the helpless, the unloved, the forgotten.
Thank you!
I love your list, Phoenicia! It is admirable and one I can understand. I think that you are well on your way with your thoughtful blog postings and the way that you support your fellow bloggers. It means a lot to have your positive words in my life!
It’s highly commendable to want to leave a legacy of being remembered as a good person. I more or less aim toward that end as well. More often than not, people end up not being good and that is heartbreaking. Life is heartbreaking and it takes a lot to remain good and weather that storm.
How does that quote/adage go? Not everyone can do great things (cure Polio), but all of us can be great people–it’s all in how we treat other people.
Gotta’ relay on faith to get me through, Jeri. That’s my only way to weather the storms.
First, I love Karen’s comment.
I often wonder, “What’s next?” I feel like life speeds by and we all need to take a step back and relax. I hope to start doing that once we are moved. Life is a whirlwind and we say that we will get together with someone or go out for coffee or lunch and before you know it, almost a year has passed by. I think about all the times I drove past my gram’s house, rushing to an appointment or something and I should have just stopped in to visit. Now she is gone and I will never have that opportunity again. I used to go to my parent’s house on Monday and Thursday for dinner and to visit. Now I work 6 days a week and haven’t been there in so long that I can’t remember what day it was- and they live 5 minutes away! I have really been trying to reevaluate the speed of my life!
Dawn, I love when readers read the comments! I do the same thing in the blogs I follow–it’s fun to read all the perspectives.
I know how you feel about your Gram. One winter I lived right next door to my grandparents, but did not take advantage of the time. They were wonderful people and I was (not implying this about you at all!) an idiot not to just go hang out with them. Young and dumb.
I hope things calm down for you when you are in your new place!
Life- there are so many things happening, and we are always in a hurry. I am working on prioritizing and living a slower paced life! I need to remember Jamaica- No problem, Mon! and their relaxed outlook on everything! No one is ever in a hurry there!
I am so sorry about your doctor…so sad. Being a good human being can be challenging at times but learning how to “be” can make that a little easier. Recently a good friend told me that faith and fear cannot be in the same place and it really resonated with me. I have since obliterated any fear and have focused on my faith and treating others as best I know how. Attitude has a lot to do with that…be positive, happy and loving and you got it all!
She was very nice, Patty. A doctor I actually looked forward to seeing again–and who wants to go to the doc?
Faith and fear can’t exist together–good observation. Focusing daily on faith can completely change our outlooks.
How beautifully written Rose Mary! As Ken said above, just being a good person is no small feat and I hope that’s what people see in me. I enjoy putting a smile on the face of a stranger and friends alike by doing something unexpected or “small” that hopefully gives them a moment of pleasure.
The question of “why him/her/them and not me” is too familiar to me and I’ve released those questions to God and found a way to be peaceful by letting that go and getting on with being a good person. It doesn’t always work and like all of you I hurt deeply when someone else is hurting, but I eventually can come back to the peaceful mindset. Getting out in nature also helps a lot.
Well said, Jamie. Making people smile, laugh, be happy for a moment can change their whole day. Doing a nice thing for someone out of the blue can lighten their load. All about what we put out into the world.
“Just being a good person” is no small legacy. If that is what people think of when they think of me, I’m happy. Don’t need to have any further elaborations attached.
I agree with you, Ken! Happy counts for a great deal in this world.
Ah, Jacquie….pillows for my heart…what a beautiful phrase! I’m sad to hear about your friends. Knowing loss is coming does not make it any easier. Simply changes the way you experience their passing. I will say prayers.
I came across this quote earlier in the week that really resonated with me, and, I think, speaks to this: “What is my purpose in life?” I asked the void. “What if I told you that you fulfilled it when you took an extra hour to talk to that kid about his life?” Said the voice. “Or when you paid for that young couple in that restaurant? Or when you saved that dog in traffic? Or when you tied your father’s shoes for him? Your problem is that you equate purpose with goal-based achievement. God or the universe or morality isn’t interested in your achievements … just your heart. When you choose to act out of kindness, compassion, and love, you are already aligned with your true purpose. No need to look further.” Note to Self Philosophy The author is someone named Paul. Couldn’t find his last name. http://notetoselfphilosophy.com/about/
Currently doing The Purpose Driven Life (Rick Warren), which prompted completion of this post and the pondering of all things purposeful, Karen. I’ll check out Paul.
Sweet Rose… I too have had a few encounters of late that have rocked my world. Two friends of many years who may not see the end of this one. Young, in my mind, because all the years we spent together keep running through my head like a movie reel. It does give one pause, considering purpose…theirs and one’s own. I’m sending pillows for your heart.