Self-Checkouts Are Not That Difficult to Manage
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Via observation and stories from friends, there is a growing contingent of people persisting in using the self-checkouts. Stop, just stop. You clearly have no clue what you’re doing.
Grocery Store Self-Checkouts
1. Do not go to the self-checkout line alone with a crammed cart. It’s rude to make the people wait who have a half-full cart.
2. Do go to the self-checkout if you have a crammed full cart and a friend. One bags, one scans. We this process down to a science.
3. Do not use one hand to scan while the other hand holds your keys, purse, sunglasses or bankcard. Get real. Look at the line behind you.
4. Use two hands to scan items. One hand scans, the other deposits them on the conveyor belt.
5. Prepare to check out while the person in front of you finishes their transactions. Don’t spend five minutes trying to find your wallet in the bag big enough for (me) to use for an overnight trip.
6. Produce is a challenge, but know what items you bought so searching for it on the screen doesn’t take five minutes. It’s a categorical filing system: “Apples, Gala” will get you there, “Gala Apples” will not.
7. When you’re ready, paying with your bank card is most efficient. If you’re paying cash and the bill is $62.39, don’t count out the .39. Be efficient and pop in a dollar. That change is what cool looking jars were made for.
8. Self-checkouts at hardware stores. You cannot scan possibly toxic items like spray paint. The machine thinks I may inhale junk so grabs a person to help. Little does it know how much damage I do to myself with a large bag of potting soil.)
ATM Machine
1. Do not go to the ATM with 10 checks to deposit (unless your bank lets you deposit them all at one time!) or 50 ones to input. Go inside the bank. The people in there are lonely and live for these events.
2. Do not do your online banking at the ATM. This means, don’t deposit ten checks, transfer funds three times, and retrieve cash. ATM transactions were meant to go fast.
3. You cannot deposit the coinage you saved in the jar into the ATM. Repeat: visit the people inside–don’t do the drive through either!
Because I know you don’t do these things, feel free to pass these instructions along to those you see struggle with self-checkouts and ATMs.
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Read: Strong Women
HAHAH I went to the Giant Eagle self checkout and paid with $50 in ones. (The joys of tips) However, it was very late at night and no one was behind me! That is not something I do on the regular!
Dawn, that’s hysterically funny. Had I been in line behind you, I would have been laughing!
Let’s see a pic of your cookie jar, Jackie. Ours is an overgrown (overblown?) brandy snifter. I will those folks would read the instructions, but I think not!
This was good. A lot of folks need to read this before they go to the store next time lmao.
Wonder what would happen if I left–anonymously–in all the stores?
Now, if you can just tell grocery stores how to properly maintain their self-checkout machines so they don’t keep telling you to put an item in the bag which you just put in the bag.
HA! Spot on, Ken. Ours is also temperamental when you are using your own bags. Invariably a clerk has to come and slap it around a little bit.
This was hilarious! I wonder if they could post these rules at all self check-out lines and ATM machines. Do you think these neanderthals would read them and get a clue???? And by the way, I have a very cool looking jar for my change:)