Can we blame Clark Gable for being Hollywood-romantic in Gone With The Wind?
Is there a better I’ll love you to the ends of the earth scene? Ladies, you know which one I mean. Romantic Rhett swept Scarlett off her willful feet and she finally understood that he loved her with all his strength.
Or maybe it was Humphrey Bogart as Mr. Allnut to Katherine Hepburn’s Rosie in The African Queen. He is, literally, willing to die to save her, realizing that love serves a greater purpose in life.
I could research Hollywood for a long time before I figured out where it went so wrong for men.
There are an abundance of movies in the last few decades that are so erroneous, I laugh out loud when I’m supposed to swoon. From Pretty Woman (ugh) to a faulty film I adore, Love Actually. I wish someone had just once jumped turnstiles to reach me and profess their love—even if in this instance it happens with adolescents!
Men, when are you going to rebel against Hollywood Romance?
Just tell the world:
- We aren’t really like John Cusack in Serendipity or Say Anything.
- Romance is truly not ingrained in us.
- Flowers for no reason? Why would we ever think of that?
- Heck, we don’t think of bringing you flowers when we’ve screwed up.
- If we bring you flowers, it’s because another woman told us we need to.
- It is not our nature to be nurturing—that’s your job. Stop expecting it.
- We can reach deep inside and find empathy if we have to, but honestly, we’d rather watch football.
Men, shout at the women in your lives, “We dwell happily on the surface and if you have expectations of us going deeper, well, we can tell you that’s on Hollywood and the fantasy men they created. It just ain’t us.” Whew. Don’t you feel better saying it out loud?
It’s time for a Romance Revolution
His colleagues pressured my poor husband that marriage proposals must be grand romantic gestures. Due to them, he held off asking. Months after we discussed marriage, agreeing we should, nothing progressed. I was waiting and waiting and waiting for forward movement. If you’ve met me, you figure out fairly quickly that patience is not a inherent component of my nature.
I finally asked, “What’s the deal? Are we getting married or not?” Alex admitted his co-workers kept telling him he couldn’t just ask, that he had to make an event out of the question—a Hollywood-level production.
“Heeelllloooo.” I looked at him like he had three heads. “How long have you known me? Do you know me?” If you’re curious, ten years—work colleagues, friends, dating, cohabiting, to that summer seven years ago. I am among the least girly-girls I know. Someday I’ll tell you the story of my engagement ring. Direct and to the point works for me. Had Alex done the Hollywood, larger than life proposal, I would have thought the Body Snatchers had invaded him.
Men, step up to the plate.
Rebel. Tell the world you won’t be subjected to forced romantic nonsense anymore. Loudly state that you are not Ted Mosby continually searching for the mother of his children. You aren’t Westley in The Princess Bride shouting, “As you wish….” to Buttercup after she pushes him down a hill.
That just ain’t you.
It’s time to insist that without February 14th shoved down your faces with blazing red hearts everywhere, you would never think to be romantic on a blustery winter’s day. Insist on it! Boycott every jewelry store that puts the pressure on you to, give your love a heart.
Oh gag me. On behalf of your gender, I’ve denied participating in Valentine’s Day for forty years.
Tell the women in your life to give you a shopping list—provide options of what you want for your birthday or Christmas or (if you really have to) the evil Valentine’s Day. Give me ideas, dear woman, or you may wind up with a mixer (I want a one) or a vacuum (skip that idea, even if we think we want one—there is nothing creative about using a vacuum. A Kitchenaid can inspire inventive baking). Years ago, I began giving Alex a list of several ideas for birthday and Christmas—along with appropriate sizes, colors, and in which stores he could find said items. No pressure for him to guess what I want. I still get to be surprised. Best gifts ever. (Love my fuzzy Merrell clogs.)
Storm the gates, my opposite gender friends!
Hound MGM, Universal, even Disney! Let them know you’re finished with their fake romances! The revolution is launched! No more selling men out for the sake of a few bucks! Tell them, insist the movies start showing men as we are—
- Seriously, we don’t know the correct answer to: Does my butt look big in these jeans?
- We will never like your haircut even though we’ve learned to say it’s okay.
- No matter how many times you ask, we are going to dress in a suit and tie so you can don an evening gown, and take you to dinner at Eleven (my favorite Pittsburgh restaurant—pure Bogey & Bacall ambiance) for the fun of it.
- We won’t provide the proper empathy when you try to explain to us that your cousin’s husband’s wife’s sister’s mother had such and such happen.
Insist that Hollywood stop making women believe Prince Charming exists. That princes is not buried deep inside normal, regular, men. Princes belong in fairly tales.
It will be best for you, fellows, if you demand that Hollywood start operating with a modicum of truth rather than enticing women to dream, to believe, that yes you really are that romantic guy.
Shout out, “Hollywood, tell women it just ain’t so!”
There, I gave you the launchpad, get going and change your world!
Postscript to my romance
Sigh and okay … there are a few women with romantic men in your life … tell us how that works. Oh wait, I have one. In the spring, husband often comes home carrying a primrose plant to add to our Primrose Lane. Aw, gee. Did he get smart or catch sight of my computer screen over my shoulder? Hmmm.
Post, Postscript to Romance
I am ecstatic, thrilled, overwhelmed with joy when Alex drives my car to the station and fills the gas tank. As a job I deplore and one he does voluntarily, this is pretty romantic to me.
**
Read: We aren’t mind readers
Sometimes it is the “oh, honey could you please cut this board for me so that I can do some wonderful creativity on it?” or, “oh, thanks for hauling that wood over here for the wood stove.” or “could you pick up that prescription for me?” Do I wish for romance? You bet. I’ve learned over the 40 years to settle for the wood.
I am so totally with you on that. Or my favorite: Please come be tall and reach that ____ for me!
You’ve got me worried that it’s even worse in my case, as my role model in life is Mr. Hand in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Sheepishly, I must write: I’ve never seen Fast Times, so the reference is lost on me.
Mr. Hand, artfully played by the late Ray Walston, was a hard-nosed history teacher who regularly raked his not-so-stellar students over the coals – there was nothing remotely ‘romantic’ about him.
This made me laugh Rose, because for most men it is so true. Also because just as you are signing off, your husband walks in with the plant, almost blowing your whole theory out the window. 🙂 I guess we’ll never figure them out entirely.
My husband frequently does this off the cuff things. Just when I think: he’s not getting this at all, he’ll do something that slays me. Whew, thank goodness! I’m glad to make people laugh!
It is very nice post, I am going to send it to my husband so he can read this.
Men and women relation is all about understanding and communicating the expectations and desires and addressing the issues.
Thank you–you’re very right about it all being about communicating our expectations. None of us are mind readers! Well, maybe Seester is, but that doesn’t count. ha! Thanks for sharing.
I’m going to send this link to my wife. But I might edit out the postscript.
Evil laugh. 😉
Got a great chuckle out of this one. Seems to me, it’s a matter of lowering expectations all the way around, yes? LOL Or maybe best to just be vocal with each other about them so there isn’t any disappointment:)
Oh yeah! And stop thinking we’ll figure the other out if we don’t clearly state it in the first place. Glad to make you chuckle.
Once upon a time, Rose, my Mum and Dad were window-shopping one night outside a large store in the city. With wedding anniversary approaching, she pointed to the beauty of a dainty and gorgeous teaset, dreaming of elegant afternoon teas with other ladies. On the day, sure enough a large present awaited – ‘must be really well packed’, she thought. Uh-oh… wrong! Alongside the teaset was a Fowler’s Preserving Outfit, with huge preserving pot, countless jars of several sizes, seals, etc. Dad was so thrilled he’d gotten her exactly what she wanted – SO practical of her. With four children at foot, she said, “No-o-o-o-o… MORE work!” and bawled her eyes out.
A shopping list would have been much safer. (Funny, his name didn’t sound anything like Paul… )
Oh Christine, this is one of the funniest stories I’ve read! What a riot. I could so see my dad doing that and being so proud and then, ut oh, finding out the truth.
Fabulous blog post Rose! I feel all men should go read it. Even though I temp live in Glendale, AZ while my hubby finish’s meat-cutter school for Safeway, we live in So. Oregon, and Clark Gable back in the day was a regular who came to fish the Famous Rogue River!
Author, Catherine Lyon 🙂
Sigh, Clark Gable. Sigh. Heck, yeah, send this to all the men in your life!
Funny post. Lots of things to relate too. I’ve recently come to believe that romance isn’t necessarily about the grand gestures, but about deeper connections and being so in tune with someone you understand what their smallest sighs mean.
Here’s another blog that ties right in with what you wrote, Donna. I couldn’t agree more!
https://www.rosemarygriffith.com/grand-gestures-and-happily-married-people/
Paul, Paul, Paul…whatever will we do with you!
Please allow me time for a brief rebuttal.
There is more than one reason men would never tell Hollywood they have it wrong, the mist important of which is we don’t really give a crap. In fact, we will put up with drivel like Love Actually as long as they A) keep putting hot chicks in the movie for us to look at while you weep, and B) it ends with you women softened up to give us a little something something without us having to work too hard. To us, Hollywood works in our favor.
As for you getting flowers for no reason at all, be thankful we put the seat down.
That’s all from this end.
P.S. Thanks for writing this now. It’s a good reminder for us that Valentines day is next week. I’ll hit a funeral or a cemetery Friday to pick up a nice bouquet for my honey.