Driving in life takes skill and determination.
How far ahead do you look while city driving versus the interstate, or your favorite deserted country two-lane?
Wouldn’t you agree that no matter what type of road you’re on, you have to:
- look directly in front of the grill to note potholes or critters (no swerving!),
- several car lengths to spot an onslaught of bright red taillights,
- and way down the highway in case something is happening that you should avoid (or slow for flashing lights)?
Isn’t that the way we should be driving in life?
Pondering my place in the world, I like to figuratively flip up that rearview mirror and concentrate on what’s coming toward me. Anyone under twenty-five reading this, go to your parents and ask: What is she talking about? You can’t move a rearview mirror.
Ah, but you could. When I learned to drive, most cars didn’t have power steering, power breaks, or rearview mirrors that automatically adjusted to the high beams on the car following you. If you wanted to ignore the chap blinding you with his headlights reflecting in your mirror, you moved it up and out of the way. There, gone. You didn’t have to think about what was behind you anymore.
I like putting things behind me: miles when I’m on a road trip, airports if I’m flying, bad memories if I’m getting pensive about life.
Many people spend time checking the rearview and side mirrors—tools that show what’s to the rear of us. That’s a necessary action when we’re about to pull into a new lane, merge with traffic, and certainly when we have to back up. But if we spend our entire driving time checking those mirrors instead of looking ahead, moving forward would become a real issue, wouldn’t it?
The in-back-of-me things can be both relevant and irrelevant.
The relevant pertains to the places I’ve lived and traveled to, the people I’ve met and kept, and those I’ve known and lost. They are the, where I’ve been and what I’ve done parts of life—the sights I’ve seen, books I’ve read, music I’ve listened to, and conversations I’ve had that echo inside.
The irrelevant is comprised of the negatives I’ve experienced—the disappointments, the broken hearts, the trials. When I look back over my life—I can dispassionately choose to say, “Oh, when that happened,” and add, “I learned so and so.” The experience, once negative, becomes a joyful celebration of my ongoing life. I suffered at the time, but whatever kind of pain it was, it cannot be recalled except in an intellectual, distancing kind of way.
Life Means Balancing Old and New
Sometimes in my day-to-day life, I’m looking several cars ahead when I should be observing the vehicle directly before me. Driving, I should pay closer attention to what’s there, in front of my nose. I should be wary of what could happen in a flash. Let me see what’s here and what’s good about it and what to be thankful for and show appreciation of.
In turn, sometimes I’m checking out the car in front of me when I should be looking far down the highway. Drivers need to see what might be barreling near at a high speed. Do we need to pull over versus how safe is it to confront the obstacle head on.
Driving in my life seems a balanced unfolding between the two. The past lessons learned and what I’m reaping as a result and how they relate to who I am now.
To avoid giving myself a split personality, I’ve got to learn how to balance those view points, don’t I?
We have to continually move forward, keeping the life momentum going, our brains learning, our hearts expanding. Live life large on the outside so that the inside stays nurtured and fulfilled. Don’t look to the past with sadness, but rather for the lessons entwined in your years. The events that have made you interesting to know.
I am aware of what I’ve been through and don’t need to concentrate energy on the past. It was and I am. That is the relevancy of now, of living while looking forward. I will let the mirror of my life stay flipped up. What is coming after me constantly fades into the distance.
There are Goals Driving My Life
- Being published as an essayist, a short story weaver, a novelist.
- Giving back to the world is a lofty goal. The further apart we Americans are divided, the more important it is to find common ground and build new connections.
- As from childhood, always instigating people to laugh heartily is another lifelong passion.
- Living a large life is on the list. I want my world to expand physically as I explore new places and emotionally as I meet new people.
Not everything I do every day supports these things and that’s where I’m driving short-sighted. Sometimes the car in front of me captivates my sight, barring me from looking farther down the road. I don’t use the mirrors to look behind me and become near-sighted, missing opportunities.
What do I want my life to look like if I manage to be on earth thirty more years. If have the luxury of looking back on the expanse of my time here? What if I trip around the neighborhood, forgetting to leave the city, state, country (figuratively/literally for this traveling fool)? Then what will my memories hold? How much changes when I switch my vision from right here to way beyond the end of the road?
It’s not just looking at our destinations that keeps us going forward into the future. Forward motion includes everything we don’t want as well. Ponder that as you roll out of bed tomorrow. And the next day, and the next…
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Read: The People Behind Us
Loved your life goals. I agree with you and Patti, RM. Having goals is key. This is what happens in business, so why not in life, to keep us on track? It’s not the worst thing in the world to be sidetracked as long as you either remain headed in the right direction or come back to the main route eventually and keep checking that your goals are still right for you and that what you do is geared towards them. Loved the picture of your dad, too! Monikax
Sidetracking isn’t a bad thing as long as you get back going where you want to be going! I instigated a good one on my older sister this trip to Montana by sneaking our younger sister along with me. What a surprise!
Would it have been fun to cruise with Dad in that big, honking 1950s convertible all over Oahu?
Love the analogies in your post. Life is indeed a journey. We have to dodge certain things along the way. There are certain moments we wish would last forever. And others we wish would never have happened. but they all make the journey more interesting, and in the end, make us better ‘drivers.’
Beautifully said, Doreen. I like to think of us as diligent drivers going just a little too fast from time to time.
Excellent write up as per usual Rose Mary. I am guilty of looking to my past far too often. I have a tendency to do so when I am feeling upset or hurt about an issue. Somehow I relate my current pain to pain from 20 years ago!!! When I am feeling upbeat and positive about my life, I look ahead and plan my goals. I am a dreamer and I like to visualise where I want to be. I picture how I will feel and how I see myself relating to others. Dreaming brings hope but there must be an action plan to take you from where you are now to where you would like to be.
From reading your posts, Phoenicia, I can understand what you are saying here. But there is never a pessimism or dread when you talk about past things. Rather there is a strength and resilience in what you write. And I totally feel you going forward!
I’ve learned a lot about strategic goal setting, and it’s taken a long while for things to fall into place. It’s a delicate balance, what to learn from our mistakes and when to just leave things in the past. At the meditation center I go to sometimes, the speaker said we can spend a lifetime picking over this or that experience. I know the writing helps me do so, but there’s a lot to be said for intentional living. I just re-did my writing goals and am becoming accountability partners with my best friend.
Jeri, you put that so well. Intentional living, to be sure. There should be a class in junior high on doing just that! Having an accountability friend is such a good idea–Bravo!
Having goals is the key…once you WRITE your goals down, the don’t wants are easier to avoid since you know it will not help you reach your goal. Look ahead to what you want but always be sure to live in the present, lest you let life go by without enjoying every single moment!
It’s all about having a map, right?
Rose,
You always surprise me with your interpretations of life! You have this great way of bringing out a discussion of could ofs, would ofs and should ofs!
I enjoy your Red Head Musings!
Hello, Kevin! Glad to hear you enjoy my ramblings. Do you have a could/would/should that would be fun to share? I’m listening!
I am a very near-sighted driver….it’s hard for me to see too far ahead. But I’m working on it!
Ah, but you have been ahead of me in so many ways…
I was thinking of this same analogy the other day. And how on “my” highway of life I’ve been on one long detour, with many roadblocks, fuel indicator at 1/4 tank, etc. LOL……. We have to get together soon for some fellowship and laughter!!!! Miss you!
Ah, Dar, you may perhaps have been detoured, but along that route you have made a lot of your friends very happy by taking us on some of those side trips with you!